Dimanche 12 Février 2017 – Bis

Heavy-handed
Rapid fire
Infatuation
With my filthy pride
To a senseless beating
Crippled and barely breathing
I tore off my skin
I’ll hang from this noose
This is what happens when I show you my demons
Repeating the cycle that turns love into indifference
When I chase after affection, it won’t chase after me
I get confused on why we always part so violently
But honestly
The day I met you
I started dying

Oh…
I should’ve known a little better
Good things never last forever
Oh…
My heart in repose
I need you the most
Oh…
Feed me to the wolves
Like I don’t have a pulse
Oh…
‘Cause the day you said « no »
I started dying

Pointless madness
I am clueless
Thoughtless choices
I ruin myself
Tear into me like an unknown disease
Give me your damage
I’m begging you, please
She said, « Depression isn’t sadness, »
« It’s a certain sense of apathy that hangs directly over me. »
She’ll wrap herself around my neck
I’m too numb to feel the entropy

Surrounding me
Because the day I met you
I started dying

Oh…
I should’ve known a little better
Good things never last forever
Oh…
My heart in repose
I need you the most
Oh…
Feed me to the wolves
Like I don’t have a pulse
Oh…
‘Cause the day you said « no »
I started dying

You make me happy…
You’ll make me kill myself
I can be happy with you
But I can’t be happy if I’m dead

Oh…
I should’ve known a little better
Good things never last forever
Oh…
My heart in repose
I need you the most
Oh…
Feed me to the wolves
Like I don’t have a pulse
Oh…
‘Cause the day you said « no »
I felt alive

Eurus’ song

I that am lost, oh, who will find me?
Deep down below the old beech tree.
Help succour me now the east winds blow,
Sixteen by six, brother, and under we go!

Without your love, he’ll be gone before.
Save pity for strangers, show love the door.
My soul seek the shade of my willow’s bloom
Inside, brother mine –
Let Death make a room.

Be not afraid to walk in the shade,
Save one, save all, come try!
My steps, five by seven
Life is closer to Heaven
Look down, with dark gaze, from on high.

Before he was gone – right back over my hill,
Who now will find him?
Why, nobody will.
Doom shall I bring to him, that I am queen
Lost forever, nine by nineteen.
Help me brother
Save my life before my doom.
I am lost without your love,
Save my soul, seek my room.

#SherlockS4

Dimanche 12 Février 2017

Sort of remind me of Eurus at the end of Sherlock S4E3.

[Verse 1:]
No food to eat, all the money’s been wasted from last week
I can’t even leave, so I sit in the basement, making up rad beats
Hot cup of tea, it’s four o’clock in the middle of the night, and I can’t sleep
It’s all on the peak, so bad I can taste it while it eats me

[Chorus:]
How can I sleep if I don’t have dreams?
I just have nightmares
How can it be?
I still believe something is out there

[Verse 2:]
Some part of me feels a little bit naked and empty
I’m stuck underneath a few dirty old blankets to comfort me

[Chorus 2x]

[Verse 3:]
And there’s a light, and I can see why I’m still alive
Mommy won’t lie, cause if she did, I would’ve died
All the time I sit and try, you think I’d be down
Every night, I’m sick and why, oh, I’m staying up this time

[Chorus 2x]

Jeudi 26 Janvier 2017

10h12 :

Last thursday I overdosed and fell into a coma for 2 days.

I’m in a psychiatric unit since last saturday and I selfharmed even if it’s forbidden.

I’m not strong enough to go back to school at the moment. I’d re-try to kill myself and I don’t want that to happen.